Atticus Gets Called

This is the worst part of a victor's job. The moment you realize how much of a puppet you are. I hate being called. I feels so degrading and dirty but I can't say no. I don't want to know what they'd do if I said no.

Right now my body is a product for the Capitol to sell however it wants. Every girl daydreams of how her first time might be. But after it gets sold for a fine price daydreams just seem useless.

The guy this time was as much of a pig as any other. Because I am small I guess I get the worse ones. I'm usually told how desappointing it is that I am not a full little girl.

This time I wasn't even given a tip. The guy left the room and I tried to wash everything off. But it doesn't simply come out. "Two more years " I repeat countless times.

I leave the room quietly so I am not spotted. I hate when former "acuitanses" see me around.

My heart skips a beat when I find Atticus Fletch waiting at the lobby of the building. I knew it was going to happen, especially to him. It was obvious. But I had to get him out. Don't know why but I didn't want him there.

-What are you doing here? - comes out of my mind. I look around to find who he might be waiting for.

He doesn't know? Didn't Dallas tell him? That old buffalo!! I can't let him go. He seems so oblivious of this... But if I drag him out... His family is gonna suffer. And I can't talk to him here.. What do I do?

-Come with me. - I order as I pull him by the arm.

I find the closest service bathroom and lock us in. Taking a huge deep breath after.

-Do you have any idea, a small clue. Of what you are here for? - I ask. He needs to know. He deserves to... Sending him here without knowing... What were you thinking, Dallas?!

- No. It is not. - I look down not able to face him. How can I tell him? How did Darsy explain it to me? Or was it Harriet? - It's not about you becoming a mentor... - if I tell him... He'll know what I did too. I don't know why but that bothers me really much.. - the Capitol is turning us into prostitution. - I finally say. But I don't want to look at him. Just can't..

I just nod I never thought I'd have to say this so soon to a new victor. And surely I didn't imagine to do it in a service bathroom.

- Because we sell. That's the Capitol's main industry. - I still can't look him in the eyes. Not now that he knows I am dirty.

I wanted to scream and to break stuff. I had my patience with the Capitol, but that was too much. They can't do that... That's too much.
I approach the girl and hug her tight without saying a word. I can't believe they're doing this...

- I'm so sorry you had to know like this. - I accept his hug and hug him back. - But at least is better than going there not knowing, I guess. - I wonder if by now he'd understand why I had to do that deal. Why my life is being so unbearable...

- i am very thankful for that. -i say, holding on the hug. - thanks. I'd find about it later in the hard way if it wasn't for you. - I don't get this, i thought she didn't care about me t all...

I end up breaking the hug. If he is late it could be bad. I keep looking down. This is so hard. He is a big guy but he is only 17 and really simple minded..

- I'm really sorry... - I say. - you should go before they think you are not showing up... I'll wait for you at the lobby. - I didn't want to definitely not. But if it weren't for Harriet on the first time, I'd have opened my wrists before I could think of the consequences. So giving a little support may not be that bad..

- You're right. Thanks again- I say, looking at her in the eyes. -I'll mewt you there, then.- I touch her shoulder before getting on my way. I felt so damn nervous, but Gabrielle helped alot. I return to the entrance where a Capitol escourt meets me and guides me to a room.

I look at my hands the whole time. A lot of people come in and out but I don't bother looking at them. It is just so weird to wait for.. Well for what I'm waiting.. He must be so terrified but he doesn't show much of it.. I just hoped it was fast. The wait was killing me

The lady expected me to do everything, when in fact I didn't even know how to start. Everything about it felt wrong and weird and I just wanted to disappear.

I come back shaking, still feeling terryfied. But I didn't want her to see me like this at all...
I see her looking down in the lobby. -Gabrielle, I whisper-but my voice comes out all shaky.

He comes trembling and shaking. I thought it'd be easier for the guys but I guess being isn't easy for either one. I pat him on the shoulder and led him out of here and back to his room in the tenth floor of the tribute building.

- It's ok, Atticus. It's ok, now. - I don't let go of his hand all the way there.

Thank god for Dallas he isn't here. He would have heard me good.

He looked so shaken up. If those fangirls saw him like that would they still be all over him? I still cannot look him in the eyes even with him continuously searching for them to meet mine.

- It depends on the person... I don't really know. - I just answered. - Were you not.... Used to those things before? - I ask. I want to help but don't know how..

- I'm sorry, kiddo... - I apologize again. It won't make anything unhappen but someone should apologize for that. - I would have dragged you out. I would but, they could do something to your family and I just... - I hug him. - I am so sorry this is happening.

-No one should be forced on that. And much less sold... First times or not. - I hide my face in his chest. This is just too much..